


WorthWhile (KageHina)

by HoseoksFatAss



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Haikyuu - Freeform, Heavy Angst, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Yachi - Freeform, Shoyo Hinata - Freeform, Tobio kageyama - Freeform, Toxic People, haikyuu!! - Freeform, idk what else to tag lol, reassuring?, talks about heavy stuff, toxic, vent fic, yeah i- uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26807899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoseoksFatAss/pseuds/HoseoksFatAss
Summary: “well what is is kageyama, am i just not worth it?”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	WorthWhile (KageHina)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Just a disclaimer for this fic (there wasn’t really that applied). This fic is a sort of coming to terms with my toxic ex-friend and realizing why they were like that. It’s definitely a lot (in my opinion because it’s all kind of centered around my feelings it might not be that bad to others and that’s just how people perceive thing different) so if that at all triggers or will upset you, I wouldn’t recommend.

“well what is is kageyama, am i just not worth it?” hinatas voice boomed in that empty gymnasium. 

kageyamas eyes fell as he stared at the volleyball he held in his taped up fingers. it had a blue and yellow strip on it just like he remembered. he traced his finger in the blue strip and quickly dropped the ball. 

“not what i said boke.” 

he drug his feet on the floor, squeaking loudly as he made his way towards the exit of the school. that _was_ it though. hinata wasn’t worth it. but neither was kageyama. they just aren’t worth it... together. it’s almost as if someone was holding a gun to both of their heads telling them to fall in love and they had to just pretend it was okay. pretending wears off, it always does. you’ll always get someone’s true colors. all hinata got was pain from kageyama. and kageyama only got disappointment. hinata stopped trying after a while and made kageyama do everything for the relationship. ‘you start the conversations, you text first, you tell me you love me first, you do this, you do that’. but when kageyama says ‘enough’ does it just go unheard? does he not get a say? is his anger at that point unjustified? he can’t do everything that’s not fair. but. he can’t just go off hinata for everything. short tempers are short tempers but when it’s purposeful, then it’s a different situation. you know what you’re doing is wrong. and clearly kageyama did. he’d do everything for a reaction then blame it on something else. ‘sorry hinata i was just really upset today didn’t mean to take it out on you’ but he’d do it again the next day. everything was exactly the same. there was no end to it. it was all meant to get to this point. they were meant to be unhappy together. and they’d never be happy together. every single toxic relationship starts okay but always ends the same. no apology could really fix what either did. gaslighting from hinata and belittling or manipulation from kageyama. a quick ‘you should only talk to me i’m the only person you need’ from hinata would send kageyama right back to him because.. maybe he’s right. maybe he is all he needs. but then a nice ‘no one cares about your work.. you’re never gonna get anywhere with that shit’ from kageyama makes hinata feel like kageyamas opinion truly is the only one that matters. and that’s all it will ever be.

but..

is that it? is that all they get out of it? nothing? 

of course it is. that’s all they will ever get out of a relationship like that. there is and will never be any happiness between that. ever. toxicity runs deep in a person and only those who see it can genuinely change it. kageyama knows it but makes no effort to change it while hinata doesn’t even see a problem. no amount of sorry can fix it because they don’t even know what they’re apologizing for. they dont even know why they need to apologize. 

‘i was right, right?’ they’d ask their peers after exaggerating the situation and make them the victim. as long as they make it seem like they weren’t the toxic one... then who would ever know. 

“so... we just—“ hinata started, “we’re breaking up?” 

kageyama turned and sighed deeply, “yeah. i think we need to.” 

there was an awfully long silence. even if they talked about why they wouldn’t get it. they wouldn’t get what to apologize for. if they felt right in the situation, then in their minds they were right. they can grow and show they’ve changed but growth doesn’t happen overnight. when you realize you were wrong, you like to obsess over that person you did wrong and say how badly you want them back. it’s always far too early on as well. days after they block each other, now they wanna apologize. do they know what for? no. will they know what for? hopefully. when? time will tell. time surely will tell. 

“well... could we still... still be friends?” hinata asked suddenly. 

kageyama shook his head, “i don’t know hinata...” 

but.. is there any chance kageyama and hinata can ever rekindle their bond? 

hard to say. it depends on the person. if you’re wronged so deeply it starts to affect your physical, mental, or emotionally wellbeing, then i doubt it. you’ve got to have real thick skin to want to rekindle something like that it’s hard to want to forgive someone who did you like that. but if they end up talking it out and it seems they’ve both grown, then it’s their decision. 

everyone always says to forgive and forget but you don’t have to forgive anyone if you don’t want to. kageyama doesn’t have to forgive hinata just for the sake of the team and neither does hinata for the sake of them being in the same class or anything like that. if you don’t feel like they deserve forgiveness, then they don’t. if you don’t think they’ve grown to understand what they did, then they didn’t. if you can tell they haven’t nor will they ever change, then you do not have to forgive them. you don’t ever have to forgive them. and that’s completely fine. if people think that you’re petty for it.. then they don’t understand what you’ve gone through. 

you don’t owe anyone anything. 

“this is goodbye then.. boke.” kageyama was a senior by now.. 18? 19? 

his fingers shook on his phone as he called hinata one last time. it was a hard phone call to make they hadn’t talked the entire rest of those years. hinata ended up moving to play on nekoma’s team after their breakup as to not disrupt the team. or disrupt kageyama. they both needed time to heal honestly. and healing is a long process. they both understood that... and they both accepted that..

hinatas voice was shaky on the other end. it was clear he was distraught without kageyama, “was 3rd year good?” 

kageyama swallowed harshly, “y-yeah.. me and uh.. a few guys at nationals got really close.” 

“that’s good.” 

“what about you? you joined a new team was that any good?” 

“no. this year was awful same as last year.” 

“oh.” 

kageyama wanted to hang up... just leave and never talk to hinata again. but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. he honesty just missed hinatas presences. he missed the hinata he met so early before. the hinata he knew before he said he liked him. hinata asked if kageyama was still in the call but kageyama wished he never called in the first place. he wished he’d never joined karasuno. he wished he’d never ever played volleyball. this would’ve never happened. 

hindsight is always 20/20... isn’t it?

kageyama sighed into the phone, “i should go. i need to pack for college... i heard you’re going to play for the black jackals?” 

“yep.” hinata said dryly, clearly wanting the conversation to last forever just knowing it was going to eventually end... forever. 

“that’s nice.. i’m on adlers..” 

“schweiden alders? m-my team plays against them! f-first game!” hinatas heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. 

“oh.. no a different alders. gotta go my moms calling me.” kageyama quickly hung up and laid on his bed. 

his phone buzzed throughout the night and it reminded him of how clingy hinata was. always needed validation and someone there for him which would have been fine if.. well when he got angry he’d ignore kageyama for days on end. but if kageyama ignores him, then kageyama is so evil and he has to answer as soon as possible or he’s bullying him. stupid fucking bullshit really. 

the phone goes both ways argument isn’t sound when someone’s mental health is deteriorating. if you know someone is struggling and you cut them out because they “aren’t responding”, then you’re a piece of shit. and if you actively ignore them when you know they’ve begun dependency on you, then you’re at fault. you understand they have a problem but refuse to get them any help? 

“that’s fucked up hinata” kageyama yelled out to no one. 

he was alone atop that mountain. it was a pretty mountain too. the top lined with crisp snow and the bottom filled with pretty blooming flowers. it wasn’t even spring yet but those flowers sure were coming out. kageyama crossed his legs and sighed out. 

“but... i’m really fucked up too.” 

he was about 25 now. graduated college. was a real good player on all of his teams. he did play against hinata multiple times and he did his best avoiding him. they never spoke again. hinata ended up getting married and has been living alright from what he tells his friends. and kageyama lived alone. having frequent hookups and really just relishing in his time alone. he’d play volleyball with friend then go home and watch tv with one of his pets. but today was different. he just wanted a break from everything. his dogs were at home and his family was out of town after visiting. kageyama looked down at his hands. still poorly taped like that one night. everything seemed to remind him of hinata but he just let it happen. things happen in life that shape people into who they are today. whether they are good or bad isn’t a defining factor. what is is what you do with it. kageyama took that opportunity as a learning experience. for him and the people around him. he took it as a way to understand people better. and in that he started working on projects more based on helping those less fortunate than him. and he’s never been better since.. 

“i wish i never said those things.” hinata said, laying in the living room floor. 

as you can imagine behind closed doors.. the marriage wasn’t all that special. hinata honestly didn’t even like yachi and only married her because she was there and available. he wanted kageyama. he’d talk about kageyama so much it was like he was wishing for his return. he wanted people to know that he was ready to talk and say sorry. but.. was he? kageyama is a short fuse. light him up and he’s going off. and if hinata was ready to apologize, he’d know and anticipate that. he’d understand why kageyama was like that. he wouldn’t try to get defensive and use his own trauma against kageyama. he’d know what to say and when to say it. maybe he is ready to apologize, it’s been a while. he can’t be mad if kageyama doesn’t accept it. he tried apologizing before but kageyama didn’t accept it then. he said how he now realizes what he said was hurtful. but you didn’t care when you said the first, second, third, or fourth time you said or did the same thing, hinata. do you care? do you wish to truly apologize or just do the same thing over again? 

hinata groaned gently as he turned to his side, “i am ready to apologize. i really am.” 

thoughts like that can really eat a person up. most of the time people don’t even think about that. you can’t just think “if i apologize it makes it right and they have to accept it.” no one has to accept anything. if kageyama does, good for him. if not, good for him. regardless of what anyone tells you..

you still do not owe anything to anyone. 

“i’m sorry.. kageyama.” hinata was older now. 29? maybe finally 30? 

his voice was shaky quite like on that last fatal phone call. 

“i know you are boke.” kageyama tucked his hands in his coat pocket. 

summer and fall had faded and it was winter all over again. hinatas face was tucked into his scarf and his little nose was a precious pink. his big coat could probably fit two of him. 

“no i’m seriously sorry. i don’t think i really understood why i said what i said in the past. it made me so upset thinking about how much i hurt you. you didn’t deserve that pain i put you through.” hinata grabbed kageyamas coat sleeve, “isn’t this?” 

kageyama laughed lightly, “yeah. it is.” 

kageyama was wearing a long black coat that dropped down to his knees. hinata gave it to him their first year. 

“you kept it?” 

“of course i did you said it was expensive! and it’s cozy so i didn’t see a reason to get rid of it.” 

hinatas eyes glistened, “i thought you would’ve burned everything that i gave you.” 

“never. i might have been mad at you but it was free stuff.” 

hinata punched kageyamas arm, “oh shut up.”

they stood eye balling each other honestly enjoying each other’s company. it was kinda.. weird but really nice. hinata stepped closer and placed his head in kageyamas chest. like he did in high school. he hated “girly”, lovey-dovey words so he’d just do that to show he was there for kageyama. kageyama leaned down and kissed the top of hinatas head. 

“i know boke..” kageyamas voice was soft as he rubbed hinatas back, 

“i missed you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the end! Hello nice to see you again hehe. Anyways as you read the story kinda divides into sort of segments and you can see growth from both characters. The growth of both characters is actually my own growth. I have come to full terms with this situation and I am working on being my own support system. So the beginning of the story is all my toxic ex friend and it’s slowly shifts to where I am Kageyama realizing what’s going on and not liking it and growing as a better person myself. Then the end is me as both characters because I am my own support system and I deserve happiness.
> 
> (Please read my recent comment regarding the mental health paragraph)


End file.
